So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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