just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
