my mouth tastes like poor choices
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
