I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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