Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
