i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
