Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
