He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
