Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
