hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
