I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
