i barfeds in our rink
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
