I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
