so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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