Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
