All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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