She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
