i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
