the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
