Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The air was thick with penises
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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