I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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