i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
