he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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