hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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