I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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