i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
