We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
