Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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