True but thats because hes a fetus.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
