I smell stomach acid.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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