Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
