I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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