I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize