I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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