i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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