I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Such a big mess for such a small penis
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
