Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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