Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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