Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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