He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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