is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
