i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
