C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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