hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
