i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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