why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
