and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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