I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
