oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize