Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
