Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it's great music for shaving your balls
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him