There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."