I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
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at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
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It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS