dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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