Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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