a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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