Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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