can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
