we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
