Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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