Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
