Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
