rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
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He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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