We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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