Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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