This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
