i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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