hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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