Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
