just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You pole danced in your parka.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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