he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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