Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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