I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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