I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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