Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I faked an abortion last night.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Randomize
