so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
