I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
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We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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