With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
