I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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