i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
