I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
