KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
