We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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