Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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