Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I need a beard to bite.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
