I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
