...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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