But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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